Actually mom and I left Guatemala yesterday, but it took me a while to get in the writing mood. First let me say that I miss Gabriella so much already. She IS my daughter now more than ever. I feel like GOD is definitely responsible for this entire process and that He brought her into our lives.
Now, let me get to the nitty gritty of our visit. Gabriella was wonderful on Saturday when her foster mother brought her to us. She was her usual sparkling, happy, smiling self all day Saturday. She only had a slight crying jag before bed Saturday night, but mom was able to calm her and put her to bed in short time and she slept for 8 hours. The perfect baby.
Sunday mostly was wonderful, too. We even got to experience the beautiful remodeled Marriott pool. I didn't bring my or Gabriella's bathing suit because I thought the pool would still be closed, so I rolled up my pants and took Gabriella into the pool (she, of course, was clothed in a swim diaper.) She LOVED the pool! She splashed around. As soon as I put her in the pool to float, she started moving her arms and kicking her feet. She was a natural!! I know they say babies are born with the ability to swim, but it was really great getting to see her "swimming." That night she slept another 8-9 hours. Wonderful baby.
Monday morning began like any other day, then, someone or something rotten overtook my baby! She began crying before breakfast that morning and kept crying at sporadic intervals throughout the entire day! I couldn't figure out why she was crying! It even seemed like by the afternoon, just looking at me was enough to drive her into fits of crying. Don't get me wrong, there were brief intermissions where the old Gabriella we know and love seemed to reappear, but those were brief. Mom thought it may be teething causing her unhappiness. We even had to go to the hotel sports bar for dinner because of the loud music in case she started crying again. She did start crying at dinner and didn't stop until bed time. She did, however, sleep 8-9 hours that night. Thank goodness.
Tuesday, I didn't get Gabriella up at the same time I usually do. I usually hear her stirring about 6 AM and I give her a bottle, change her diaper, then put her back in her crib and she'll sleep for a couple more hours. This day, I let her sleep an hour and a half later until I heard her cry in her crib. She was all smiles when I gave her the morning bottle, so I thought all was well. Well, before breakfast, the crying started again. It was a very stressful morning for all three of us. However, it seemed like on that day, seeing my face was a comfort to her rather than a source of pain an agony as it was the day before.
Despite the crying, this trip was good and I'm glad I was able to visit again. This process is so hard. I feel like I had four days to cement my presence in Gabriella's mind before I had to hand her back to the foster mother. She is definitely becoming more bonded to her foster mother the more time that passes. I am so glad she is bonding, but a part of me is jealous. I want that to be me she's bonding with now. People say she won't even remember this time in her life and that babies are resilient, but with each passing day I know it will be harder and harder for her to adjust when she comes home.
Dave and I don't think we will visit again until she is able to come home. We don't think it's good for Gabriella. These short visits are more for us than for her. They're more of a disruption to her life and routine than a help. Hopefully she will come home soon.
Now, let me get to the nitty gritty of our visit. Gabriella was wonderful on Saturday when her foster mother brought her to us. She was her usual sparkling, happy, smiling self all day Saturday. She only had a slight crying jag before bed Saturday night, but mom was able to calm her and put her to bed in short time and she slept for 8 hours. The perfect baby.
Sunday mostly was wonderful, too. We even got to experience the beautiful remodeled Marriott pool. I didn't bring my or Gabriella's bathing suit because I thought the pool would still be closed, so I rolled up my pants and took Gabriella into the pool (she, of course, was clothed in a swim diaper.) She LOVED the pool! She splashed around. As soon as I put her in the pool to float, she started moving her arms and kicking her feet. She was a natural!! I know they say babies are born with the ability to swim, but it was really great getting to see her "swimming." That night she slept another 8-9 hours. Wonderful baby.
Monday morning began like any other day, then, someone or something rotten overtook my baby! She began crying before breakfast that morning and kept crying at sporadic intervals throughout the entire day! I couldn't figure out why she was crying! It even seemed like by the afternoon, just looking at me was enough to drive her into fits of crying. Don't get me wrong, there were brief intermissions where the old Gabriella we know and love seemed to reappear, but those were brief. Mom thought it may be teething causing her unhappiness. We even had to go to the hotel sports bar for dinner because of the loud music in case she started crying again. She did start crying at dinner and didn't stop until bed time. She did, however, sleep 8-9 hours that night. Thank goodness.
Tuesday, I didn't get Gabriella up at the same time I usually do. I usually hear her stirring about 6 AM and I give her a bottle, change her diaper, then put her back in her crib and she'll sleep for a couple more hours. This day, I let her sleep an hour and a half later until I heard her cry in her crib. She was all smiles when I gave her the morning bottle, so I thought all was well. Well, before breakfast, the crying started again. It was a very stressful morning for all three of us. However, it seemed like on that day, seeing my face was a comfort to her rather than a source of pain an agony as it was the day before.
Despite the crying, this trip was good and I'm glad I was able to visit again. This process is so hard. I feel like I had four days to cement my presence in Gabriella's mind before I had to hand her back to the foster mother. She is definitely becoming more bonded to her foster mother the more time that passes. I am so glad she is bonding, but a part of me is jealous. I want that to be me she's bonding with now. People say she won't even remember this time in her life and that babies are resilient, but with each passing day I know it will be harder and harder for her to adjust when she comes home.
Dave and I don't think we will visit again until she is able to come home. We don't think it's good for Gabriella. These short visits are more for us than for her. They're more of a disruption to her life and routine than a help. Hopefully she will come home soon.
4 comments:
Don't you just look like a little mommy holding your sweet baby girl!!!
I'm glad you had a safe trip!
Marybeth
I know it's hard knowing that she's bonding with her FM and not you but really and really listen to me here. They won't remember. It took Mackenzie all of 5-6 hours to get adjusted to us and now you wouldn't know that she hasn't been with us since birth. All she will feel is the love you both have for her and that my friend is all she needs.
The pictures are beautiful.. I know you have more though. WHY OR WHY are you holding out?
Megan
Lori -
You and your mom look so happy w/ your baby girl. Gabriella may have a love for her foster parents, but she knows you are her mommy! She is so young, yet I can tell she has a deep and trusting love for you. I am glad you had a safe trip. Love, Julie W.
Wow - I missed that you were doing a visit trip!! That is so cool! It is really hard, when the children realize that their normal surroundings aren't the same and they long for what was! I pray that your pick up is soon and that she will remember you and adjust quickly! It is hard though!!
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